AF came

She came came after all. Now I need to figure out what my doc wants to do next. Tomorrow is cycle day 3 but I don't know if I can get my blood work done IE: do i need to fast? If I can get it done on my lunch I will otherwise it will be another month on our own.

Ummm...AF?

So after testing and getting a BFN & drinking wine I still am waiting for AF. I had ips upto when I poas and then they went away. I have been spotting since the day AF was supose to arrive but no AF. So no symptoms of being pg once so ever I want to test again but I will wait till this weekend to test again. Last week my chest was sore and ichy and I had cramping but it all went away. Today my DH asks if I had AF and I told no. Then he asks me how do I feel.... I feel nothing if I am pg shouldn't I feel sick, tired, or have sore boobs? I am tired but that is nothing new I am always tired.This is now my longest cycle and we did not time bd nor did we bd much at all this month I don't understand.

BFN :(

I could not wait till tomorrow like I said I was going to and got BFN! I used a cheap dollar store one so it would not cost me too much. I just don't understand my boobs have never been this sensitive. I brushed them putting deodorant on and thought this could be it never mind how hot I have been. I even have been getting embarrassing wet under pits. Oh well I tested so now I will have myself a glass of wine because I am now waiting on AF. I keep telling myself to give up TTC but I just can't stop! I think I will start thinking of traveling because if I could travel I see the world maybe I would not mind living childless besides I could just continue to spoil my niece & nephew.

Implantation???????????

I woke up this morning doing my usual morning pee and saw brown spotting. At first I thought oh no Aunt Flo is coming but then I realized it was a week early and it could be a good sign! Implantation spotting? I hope it is implantation because I am so sick of Aunt Flo making me feel so miserable and helpless. Getting pg is completely out of my control and I do understand it is in God's hands but it is hard to give up.

New Years Resolution Update

I have been horrible at this blogging thing but I do have to say that I broke my new year's resolution 2 weeks ago when I had a complete breakdown at work and I updated my coworker on my TTC efforts and how I though I was pg for a day because I saw 2 lines clearly on a opk the day before AF was suppose to arrive, I got AF on schedule and I just had horrible mood swings while AF was visiting. I really question if I had a m/c @ 4 weeks? This cycle makes me question it even more because I know that you have the tendency to be really fertile the cycle following a m/c and I have had tons of EWCM and have not seen any EWCM for 6 months! I guess I will see March 22 to see if AF comes or not but I will try not to keep my hopes up because I am trying not to try.

I give up

I know I have said this many times before but I give up on TTC. I do not want to actively try anymore but I do not want to prevent. After 11 months and 11 cycles TTC has taken over my life and sex life. I just want it back. So far I have not planned BDing but yet after spontaneous sex I am still driving myself crazy with “could I still have gotten pg?” “I might have o’d late”. I just don’t know how I can let this TTC go. I want really want a baby but the process to get to a baby is interrupting my life. It drives me so crazy because I have no control but yet I want to know right away when it finally happens.